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Identifying an Abusive Relationship

Does your partner:
  • Put you down, constantly criticize you, or say blatantly cruel, hurtful things?
  • Act in a controlling, jealous manner?
  • Criticize the way you parent your children?
  • Give you the "silent treatment"?
  • Monitor your time/use of telephone/money?
  • Accuse you of having affairs?
  • Discourage or prevent you from seeing your family?
  • Tell you that your feelings are irrational and/or crazy?
  • Blame you for his/her use of violence?
  • Threaten to hurt him/her self if you don't do what he/she wants?
  • Threaten to take your children away from you?

How do I know if I am using abusive behavior toward others....

Some questions to ask yourself:

  • Am I being threatening or violent to others?
  • Do others feel intimidated when they are around me?
  • Can I cope with negative emotions without becoming verbally or physically abusive?
  • Can others disagree or express anger toward me without being attacked?
  • Do I allow others to make decisions about their lives without intimidation or retaliation?
  • Am I able to hear and respect what they are saying even though I may disagree?
  • Can others negotiate with me without being attacked or controlling?
  • Do I respect others rights to say no or disagree with me?
  • Am I able to express feelings other than anger?
  • Do I blame others for my anger, frustrations, and violence?

    Getting Help
    You are not alone-help is available. To speak to someone confidentially, call one of the following hotlines:
    • National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233)
    • New Jersey Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-572-7233
    • Bergen County, New Jersey, Domestic Violence Hotline: 201-336-7575